A couple of weeks ago, I received a highly explicit video in my email inbox. I learnt that the email had been sent by an anonymous person and contained videos of my husband with another woman. This is the worst possible way for any woman to learn of her husband’s infidelity. I was completely shocked and could not believe that something like this was happening to me. I grew up with a single parent—my father was always absent.

This instilled a lifelong fear in me and I always wanted my children to be raised by two parents. I was very hurt that my husband was always aware of my feelings towards adultery and yet acted like this. Initially, I was not aware that, by hiring Private investigators, I could expose my husband before things got out of hand.

How I Reacted To My New Understanding

My only solace in those terrible first days was my bed. All I did was to lay hopelessly in bed once my children went to school and my husband left for his job that required him to travel out of city. This routine was very troublesome for me. I have always been a physically active woman. And suddenly, I could not seem to get anything done properly. I knew, once my children had their school holidays, that I could not hide away in my bed anymore.

When I gave this entire situation some rational thought, I realized this was not a one-time thing. In fact, my husband had been cheating on me for approximately five years and in uncanny ways. I believe it was my way of survival, to build walls in front of things I wished were untrue or did not want to believe in. Now that I think about it, everything makes sense, despite my desire to forget the painful facts. I realized that I was so occupied with my own concerns including work, my house, my children and sports, that I never objected against my husband being away for long periods. I literally handed him the opportunity to cheat on me.

Was It All Worth It?

In hopes of building a new life, I moved halfway across the country with my children. I believe I was hoping that if I started anew, I would find the peace I lost while living with my husband. I was wrong, I never felt this lonely or depressed before. I have considered getting therapy and talking about my problems; however, I am unsure if this would help me at this point.

My concern now is that I want to forget the twenty-one years I spent with my husband in a house we built together, surrounded by friends and family. In hopes of forgetting everything and starting from scratch, I lost everything that meant something to me—friends, husband, marriage, work and family. My only concern now is my kids. I wish to find a solution or an answer to this entire situation. I wish to be that same confident, self-sufficient and strong woman I was before I was faced with such unfortunate circumstances.