There are three basic steps suggested by professional counselors in UK. Many private investigators have researched betrayal cases. The sufferings the betrayed spouses go through and conflict the betrayer spouses go through can be categorized and accordingly- ways of surviving are suggested by UK counselors.
If you are a woman and find that your husband has betrayed you, having sexual relationship with another woman, please live separately from him. Do it at least for three weeks, if need be, for a longer time.
Women living with unfaithful husbands suffer from terrible health degeneration. Staying away will certainly help weakening the degeneration rate. You need sleep which is impossible on the same bed with an unfaithful husband.
On the other hand, the husband should beg for forgiveness as cordially as possible. He should never argue about his affair. He should know how much he has hurt her feelings and should do all possible things to prove that he understands his fault and will never repeat it in his whole life. He must stop all his contact with his secret lovemaking girl. This is plan A.
The husband may not feel your suffering and may not beg for forgiveness from a genuine feeling at the beginning. So the wife should not expect 100% remorse from her husband.
If staying away does not help much, let your relations, your neighbours, your husband’s relations, your friends, his friends, your children and the local church know about his secret love. You should also inform the relatives and husband (if there is any) of the secret girl about her illegal affair.
Lovers often find no fault with their secret love. It’s more romantic than illegal to them. The moment the secrecy disappears, they may find it shameful and abandon it. But if there is a true feeling of love between them, they will overcome this shame and be united again.
In this case, you have no other option but to go for a divorce. This should be a permanent separation.
If there is no real feeling between the secret lovers, if it is all a sexual desire and a matter of infatuation, it will disappear soon after the temporary separate living and exposing of it to all. But it does not ensure a sweet reconciliation. Such betrayal hurts too deep and the wound may remain uncured for one’s whole life. But there are things to do.
One must make one’s secret girl/man promise that he/she will never contact and should say sorry for what he/she did.
Be 100% transparent to your spouse. You must give all your contracts numbers, access to all your contacting devices, your passwords of all your accounts like facebook, Gmail, twitter and so on to your spouse. You should repeatedly beg for his or her pardon.
One should keep contacts with his spouse as much time as possible. And if they are away from each other, they should make calls and receive all the calls from each other.
If you find that you truly love your spouse and your family, do all you can for them. Let them know how you feel. Let them know what you are doing and thinking about your family, and what you wish you could do for them. Know what they feel and think and inquire all their needs. Try your best to fulfill all their five basic needs. Be active and conscious, and it is possible.
Make sure that you get sexually healthy and meet your spouse’s sexual, romantic and loving needs.
On the other hand, the betrayed spouse must come forward. Otherwise, the betrayer will become frustrated and there will be no real reconciliation. So, forgive and forget the past wrongs and accept what is true now.